CSI:Mommy, Episode: “I Didn’t Do It!”

Have you heard about the latest spin-off of CSI? It stars two mommies, both determined to get to the bottom of the multitudes of mysteries involving their children using a mixture of observation, intuition, and common sense.

A recent episode stars me and my lovely friend “Lola”—also a mom of five-year old twins.

Follow along as we solve our latest case, aptly named “I didn’t do it.”


The two hardworking, always exhausted mommies are sitting on my couch enjoying a well-deserved cup of coffee amidst the background noise of four five-year olds playing together.


My Twin A brings out a small, red piece of foam about the size of a nickel and hands it to Lola, as if bestowing a gift of great value, then scurries from the room.

After an initial investigation, Lola and I determine the foam is not from the foam letters that line my Twin A’s floor. (The foam piece in hand is smooth; the foam letters contain small bumps.) A second, more intense look follows and it is decided the foam is from a set of blocks.   

Obviously, mischief is afoot.

I casually walk into the room where all four children are playing, select the block with the corresponding hole, and manage to leave without getting noticed. Lola and I then inspect the foam block.

Our first clue! The block is wet, which means the crime was recent, and contains very distinct teeth marks—the offender has gap between their top front teeth. Instead of solving the case immediately, this fact only complicates matters—my Twin B and her Twin B both have this same bite pattern.

Evidence in hand, we review the known facts…one child committed the crime, and since they are all playing in the same room one or more of them likely saw it happen.

Our case at a standstill, we decide it’s time to call in the suspects. Moments later, four five-year olds stand before us, shoulder to shoulder, in a police-style line up.

We begin our interrogation.

“Does anyone have anything they want to tell us?” I ask while casually flipping the foam block from hand to hand. Four blank looks is their collective response.

A liar is in our midst.

It is now up to the mommies to determine which looks of innocence are real, and who is faking.

After another round of questioning, Lola and I release two of the four suspects—my twin A and her twin A. Why you ask? Two reasons—both are obviously clueless as to the situation, and neither one has a gap between their top front teeth. 

My twin B and her twin B are kept back for further questioning.

The case deepens as suspect “Lola’s twin B” begins giving conflicting information all while offering a view of front teeth for further bite pattern analysis.

But wait! The break we were hoping for finally occurs!

While holding both the foam block, and the bitten off piece in my hands, I notice something peculiar about the bite mark. It seems we’d been paying so much attention to the gap pattern to the top teeth that we’d ignored the once vital piece of evidence that would ultimately solve our case.

The shape of the bite reveals the offender was missing a bottom tooth.

As you’ll recall with this blog post , my twin B recently lost a tooth—a bottom tooth.

Remaining suspect, Lola’s twin B, was given a hug and subsequently set free.

The guilty party, my twin B, received a stern lecture from the judge (me) about lying. Afterwards, the guilty party was put into custody (had to stand in the corner). After the sentence was served, the convict was then released.

Case closed.  

 I dedicate this post to all the mommies out there, and all that we do to keep this world going.



4 thoughts on “CSI:Mommy, Episode: “I Didn’t Do It!”

  1. Dear Mommy CSI:

    As my own mother was fond of saying:

    Little children, little problems.
    Big children, big problems.

    Enjoy every moment, they don’t come around again.

    Happy Mother’s Day.

  2. Hilarious! My children have not yet reached the age of pact-making. They’re only too happy to tattle on each other. My junior high students have caused me to do some investigative work on occasion though…

  3. Pingback: Weird Stuff Kids Say – Part 4 Featuring Christi Corbett – Moriah Densley

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