It Was A Dark and Stormy…Blogfest!

Today I’m participating in my very first blogfest ever (which is kind of amazing considering I’ve been blogging for a loooong time).

On January 19th, Brenda Drake (click here to check out her fantastic blog) put out the challenge. Sign up for the blogfest, then on Feb 7th and 8th post the first line to your finished manuscript (any genre) on your own blog. Get your reader’s input and polish as needed based on their critiques. 

Then, hop around to other blogfest participants blogs and critique their first lines. (You’ll need to scroll down to the bottom of the page to see the other participants names/links)

Then, on February 9th, enter your bright and shiny first line on Brenda’s blog.

THERE ARE PRIZES!!!!!!!!

Weronika Janczuk, an agent with D4EO Literary Agency, has generously agreed to award the following:
 
1st place — a critique of the first 50 pages + query
2nd place — a critique of the first 25 pages + query
3rd place — a critique of the query
 
So, without further ado, here is my first line to my historical fiction, Along the Way Home.
 
Every Wednesday Kate stood on the same front porch, her knuckles poised inches from the door, willing herself to finally do the unthinkable—walk away without knocking.
 
Thoughts?
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43 thoughts on “It Was A Dark and Stormy…Blogfest!

  1. You already know I love your first line! Don’t have anything advice for changes, I’ll just wish you luck in the contest! *busily scrambles to enter herself…* 😀

  2. Oh that’s so good! I was expecting the unthinkable to be actually knocking on the door, so the surprise at the end DEFINITELY makes me want to read more.

    Nice job!

  3. I’m with jmanni32 – I loved the surprise ending!

    I’m intrigued. Why does she wish she could walk away? Why does she always knock? What does she do there every Wednesday? Who is behind the door? Great questions to push the reader into the rest of your story.

    Good luck!

  4. I’d love to know what has been going on in Kate’s life
    How about the pared down version?
    Every Wednesday, Kate stood on the porch, knuckles poised inches from the door, willing herself to walk away without knocking.

  5. I think it’s very intriguing, Christi. The only change I would make is to shorten it a bit, as Elaine suggested, but I would keep the “willing herself to finally do the unthinkable”, because it’s what gives the line such urgency.

    But then again, you saw how short mine was, so I may be biased! 🙂

    Thanks for commenting on my post. Good luck!

  6. Okay, it’s intriguing. I love it. I would keep reading. However, the first half made me think she wanted TO knock, whereas the second half clearly states she wants to not knock. I don’t know how you could make the reader realize her unwillingness earlier, but I think that’s possibly something to improve. (Or maybe that’s just me.)

  7. Thanks for your help on my blog! I like your sentence. I have one suggestion: you could cut out the “without knocking” after you say “walking away.” I assume she isn’t planning or Doorbell Ditching, so I don’t need to be told this.

  8. Just as long as she doesn’t ding-dong-ditch!

    Just kidding! You’re really bringing a lot of build up and tension in the first sentence- great job! I can’t wait to see WHY she is so scared of actually knocking and seeing who and what is going to answer the door!

    Good luck with the contest!

    • Eleni,

      You and Teralyn are cracking me up with the doorbell ditching references! 😀

      Partly because in my youth I partook in such craziness (shhhh, don’t tell the neighbors it was me), and partly because my novel is a historical fiction set in 1843 (so I’m not sure if they even had doorbells?)

      Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting. I’m really having a fun first blogfest!

      Christi

  9. I like it. But what if you stopped the sentence BEFORE you get to the hyphen?

    Every Wednesday Kate stood on the same front porch, her knuckles poised inches from the door, willing herself to finally do the unthinkable.

  10. I love your first line! I wouldn’t change anything about it. What I loved the most was that it surprised me–I was expecting her to say she wished TO knock, like perhaps she couldn’t get up the courage to talk to someone. But instead she wanted to walk away! Totally flipped my expectations. Fantastic job! Good luck in the contest!

  11. Hi Christi –

    Very good. I would only recommend you add some sort of superlative to “the unthinkable”, if you’re going for more of an overly exaggerated point, or else change it to “something incredibly stupid”. I think “the unthinkable” needs a bit of a kick, you know? 🙂 Good luck!

  12. oh, I like this!! If I had to offer a change that would make it flow better in my mind, I would remove the dash in the last sentence and just say … “to finally do the unthinkable and walk away without knocking.” I think this understates it a bit and is actually more dramatic than the dash.

    But as it is it superb! Good luck!
    Corinne

  13. Great first line. The only suggestions I could think of would be to remove a couple of words to tighten it a little:

    Every Wednesday Kate stood on the same front porch, knuckles poised inches from the door, willing herself to do the unthinkable—walk away without knocking.

    But even without those changes, I think it works well as a sentence/hook.

  14. We’re working in the same genre so I read your entry with great interest–and I like it. I like it a lot.

    As I’m practicing my editing skills, and my own novel isn’t finished or ready for this, I’ll throw one other possibility at you. What intrigues me about your opening is that it’s Wednesday (‘What is it about Wednesdys? I wonder as you begun.) Because we know she’s poised TO knock…

    Every Wednesday Kate stood on the same front porch, her knuckles poised just inches from the door, willing herself to do the unthinkable: walk away.

    Good luck with your novel

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